Posted by: laughing4heir | October 28, 2009

Days of my Uterus

Oh, the drama!  What will happen next in the on-going saga of Laughing’s uterus?  (cue organ sting, here)

We went in for our 24 week ultrasound last week to check on the progress of my placenta previa and while we were at it, check in on the little critter who is right now waking up, but the feeling of him against my tummy.  The good news:  the kid looks fine.  No news is good news and we got no news on the fetal front.  The bad news:  barbarian forces are running rampant inside my womb and while the baby is doing so far so good inside her amniotic fort, she’s got to come out sometime and we’re gonna have to deal with the vandal hordes.


When I was diagnosed with complete previa at 12 weeks, I wasn’t that worried.  It usually moves out of the way, I was told and had read.  No sex until it’s a safe distance.  At 20 weeks, it hadn’t moved sufficiently and then some other placenta patches were discovered, as well as some vessel.  No sex, no exercise, no heavy lifting, no strenuous activity. No. No. No!  (Except performing.  I can still do that. WHEW!)  Now, at the 24 week looksee last week, I swear there must be some other entity in there making it harder and harder and damn nigh impossible for me to ever even attempt to have a regular “squeeze the baby out the intended exit” birth.  Placenta previa has not moved sufficiently. Oh, and you’ve got a pool of blood sitting on top of your cervix, which we’re calling a “lake.”  Oh, and best of all, there seems to be a vessel between the baby and some of that spare Jackson Pollock-style splattered placenta on the wall there.  It’s at the front of your uterus. Nope, it’s not an umbilical cord, but we don’t want that sucker to rip, ’cause it’s the baby’s blood, not yours. You can stand to lose a lot of blood; your kid can’t.  So, to be safe, instead of either inducing or c-secting you around week 39, in late January/early February, we might recommend doing a c-section around week 35.  Come back in 3 weeks and we’ll take another peek into your battlezone to get a better idea of a course of action to safely deliver your baby as healthily as possible for both of you.

ARRGGHH! The curse of being on the losing side of statistics strikes again!

I shouldn’t complain.  Our baby is, by all available measures, healthy and developing nicely.  I am immensely grateful for that.  Immensely.  And, let’s be honest:  no one has a worry-free pregnancy.  Not even the young woman who gets pregnant immediately, has no problem maintaining the pregnancy, sails smoothly through pregnancy, has a perfect placenta, perfectly turned baby and 3 hour delivery without drugs. (Don’t we want to punch her teeth in?) Even she’s worried.  But still, as long as everything’s going okay with the baby, could I just please get cut a little slack?  A random blood vessel connection for the baby?  Really?  I’ve already apparently got two items blocking my cervix and disallowing me to have sex when I’ve got major hormones rushing around me like a fucking horny 15 year old boy in gym class.  Now I have to worry about baby’s overachieving tendencies being his downfall?  The cosmic unfairness of this is just laughable.

And a lake?  A lake??  I sincerely doubt it’s even fishable, so what use is it to me?  I think we need to name that lake.  Dash-it-all!  I’m going to name it.  Name it something.  If I’ve got a lake inside my uterus, I’m going to name it, by gum!

And it looks like a c-section is unavoidable at this point.  Even if my placenta moves clean out of the way, and the lake disappears, there’s still the issue of the baby-connecting vessel.  If I go into hard labor, the way evolution designed us, the vessel could tear and the baby could lose a lot of blood. Not good.  And even worse, if I go into spontaneous labor.  The bad news is that I might have to go into the hospital on bed rest a few weeks before delivery so that if (God forbid) I go into spontaneous preterm labor, they can have me right there in the O.R. immediately to help us both out, as opposed to having to weather the shitty traffic we have in this area to get there and hopefully save the baby.  The good news is:  the same constraints from last month apply to this month, so far.  So, I’m not on regular bed rest, nor am I having to miss out on performing or otherwise living my life, with minor modifications.  Whew.  I will do the c-section, but it saddens me.  I was really hoping, after all the losses and the scientific intervention to get to this baby, that I could have one aspect of the baby-making process proceed as it has for millions of years.  But I’m sure I’ll get over it.  Truthfully, in my situation, without medical types in bunny suits with all their accoutrement, baby-making would be impossible for us.  As recently as 30 years ago, I’d never have had a successful pregnancy.  And as recently as 50 or 60 or 70 years ago, there’s no doubt in my mind that all the aforementioned complications of this pregnancy would result in maternal or infant death or both upon delivery.  At least baby and I will likely come out of this alive.

So, it looks like our baby will be coming closer to New Years, right after the year turns.  Which, as I hate the month of February, I should probably be happy with.  I kind of am.  Except, on the petty end, that removes a whole month I was going to use to plan with:  painting, etc.  And mostly except that I’m just concerned about the baby’s health.  As the perinatalogist was explaining this to us, last week, all I could see was our little baby, taken 4 – 5 weeks too soon, trembling and cold in a NICU, with a plethora of tubes connecting him to breathing devices, like some sort of human squid.  It was all I could do not to cry.  I was very proud of myself for staying calm and not letting the knot in my throat or the heat behind my eyes betray me, as we asked our questions.  After having talked to a pediatrician family member of mine, I’m more convinced that she’ll be okay if she comes into the world a month early.  I was – and still am – most concerned about the baby’s lungs.  The closer to 40 weeks the better, but we don’t all have that luxury.  The only other thing that concerns me is the condition of my uterus.  With all the flotsam and jetsam mucking it up right now, I wonder if I should expect that with subsequent pregnancies.  Or if it’ll be too damaged to even hope for future pregnancies.  We want at least one, maybe 2 more kids after this one – provided, of course, that this kid is nice and doesn’t sour us on parenting alltogether!

Ahh, how blissful my ignorant days when I just assumed all my lady parts were fully functioning!  Whoever said “knowledge is power” didn’t know how powerless one can feel when in possession of knowledge you can’t really use, but effects you so deeply.

So, there you have it.  Sorry to complain.  I shouldn’t.  The baby’s healthy.  I will do whatever is necessary to continue to facilitate that.  It’s just that it would be nice to get a break some time on the lady end.  I would love to love my uterus and not feel at odds with her.



  1. Now see, this is the huge surge of information that I like. Remember when you had only sadness to report on? Now we’re on to productive anxiety!!!

    Your little bun in the oven is going to be just fine, the C-section will suck, but your little one will be like Caesar, who wasn’t of woman born, either. Blood schmud. Placenta licentia. Why would the universe let you coast now?

    I’m glad you’re performing, out and about. I want to see a picture of the big and beautiful you.

    Don’t forget that my babies were born at 33 weeks, with tubes and incubators, and they were just fine. It wasn’t even that sad to see them in the NICU for 18 days, because 1) they were asleep so they didn’t know they were being deprived of anything, and 2) you will be sooooooooo glad to get some time to rest after your C-section. It means you can sleep too. The NICU is run by angels. You will love them and love their cream cheese.

    I’m excited for you! Woo hoo hoo!!!

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